pre-departure

I begin this blog with hesitation. I'm really not into the idea of blogging and probably would not have created this page if not for my upcoming adventures. I could say that I am writing this blog to keep friends and family up to date on my adventures but I would be lying. I think few people will actually read this and those who do will probably hear the same stories from me in person when I return. So why do I write it? I think it's because I need something to keep me attached to the world I'm leaving behind. If I completely sever my connection to my lifestyle in the US, my parents would be in a constant state of agony for one thing. And for another, coming back home having forgotten my old lifestyle would probably destroy me. So I maintain a connection to the life I know for the sake of my own well-being.

I decided this morning that it would probably be wise to figure out how to post before actually getting to South Africa. This way I don't have to do it in an internet cafe with a line of people waiting for their turn on the computer. So while I'm on here, might as well put down just a few of the many thoughts I have as my departure draws nearer.

"Are you nervous?" This is the most common question I hear when people find out where I'm going. Just what exactly do you mean by that? Nervous of what? Nervous of being in a new country with a rather significantly high crime rate? The truth is, I'm not nervous that I'll get lost or robbed. The thought that keeps me up at night is that I will return a failure. My prep class for this international experience has told me that failure is simply not possible on this trip, even if my project is a flop. Hmmm... that still doesn't calm my nerves. Right now though, I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about packing. I should have started this process a long time ago. My suitcases are still full with the belongings I brought home from college in June. But I'm not worried. My heart doesn't race when I think that a week from now, I will be in a whole different world. I wouldn't say that I am excited or nervous, nor anxious or scared. I don't think there is a word that I can use to describe this feeling. My small vocabulary may very well be the cause of my lacking terms, but part of me thinks that this is a unique emotion only to be experienced by those in a similar limbo. This blog, aptly named andiyazi (Xhosa for I don't know) best describes me at this stage of my life. Perhaps this is the most suitable word, for now.

And away we go.